I can proudly announce, with a drumroll, that our guest columnist this week is Cheapskate. He's everyone's favourite exponent of Bluenote music with a Scouse accent, packed with humour, originality, and exuberance. He's giving us a glimpse into his world... take a peek below...
"I keep a chicken in the dark for use as a dynamo. It's not cruel, he was bred to do it. I don't know if it's correct, but these are the words I sing along to most Kings of Leon songs.
"I should really look up lyrics on the internet, but i'm not that good with technology. I found this lumberjack website last week. Couldn't log on though.
"Despite this terrible lack of ability to embrace technology I've commissioned a massive 15 foot video iPod for my wall. It’s a plasma screen and jukebox all in one. The elephant man had one too, but he was a big'ead about it. Using the jog wheel is bit like a massive gym workout mind you. I’m knackered just scrolling through. I haven’t heard The Zutons in weeks.
"I enjoyed watching the Reading festival at the weekend, even though the whole time is spent eating junk food and trying to come to terms with the state of the toilet before you use it. Litter all over the floor and the fact you haven’t washed properly for days are a small price to pay. I’m so glad BBC3 showed so much so that I could benefit, but I should really make the effort to clean my flat.
"Just had a call from the lumberjack people. I didn’t get the job, I booked the wrong sort of acts. Reminds me of the time I managed Jockey Wilson, he missed a big tournament because I booked the wrong sort of flights.
"I auditioned to be in a German pop band last week. During the week they work in a restaurant that sells only cheese. They’re called the Kase Chefs. I’m hoping my years of national service will stand me in good stead for working those infamous German bars. We used to get a lot stag parties in, they often caught us on the hoof. Once they caused so much racket with their tubas and lederhosen slapping that they caused an earthquake.
I tried to phone an earthquake helpline but couldnt get through. Fault on the line.
"If it all goes pearshaped in the fatherland I’ll resume my Nationwide tour. It’s going well, next year I may do the Abbey Nationals."
To find out more about Cheapskate, and to hear his music, log onto: www.myspace.com/jamandbungle